he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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