Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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