i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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