i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
