we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Green mimosas i think yes
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
