I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
