he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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