remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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