We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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