I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
