OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
