Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize