I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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