If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize