Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
