I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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