he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
