I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
