You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
