Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
