I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
FUCK WHALES
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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