so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
