Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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