I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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