I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
They took my balls.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize