Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
