I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
