Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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