someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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