Your mouth is God's brothel.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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