took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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