I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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