I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
