i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
