I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
