Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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