I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
honey bunches of taint.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
