oh god the rape fog is back!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
