I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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