Apparently you make a good broom.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
