i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You ate ashes out of my bong
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
