its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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