I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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