or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
