I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
