Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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