The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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