Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
