chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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