Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize