Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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