So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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