there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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