After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
