would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
