Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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