I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
