Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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