I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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