You work out of a Hotel?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
