I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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